


Fear and Change

by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy (hutchabelle)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Established Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Hair Kink, Hair-pulling, Haircuts, Insecure Steve Rogers, Long Hair, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Endgame, Protective Steve Rogers, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 03:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30133512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hutchabelle/pseuds/buckybarnesdeservestobehappy
Summary: Bucky wants a haircut. Steve's not sure how he feels about that.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 81





	Fear and Change

**Author's Note:**

> For the Hell Yeah Bottom Bucky's Bucky Barnes Birthday Event, #BuckyWiththeGoodHair

They’re lying in bed together, post-coital and drowsy, when Bucky drops the news. Steve isn’t sure why that’s the moment his boyfriend decides to break his heart, but the words, “We need to talk,” are never a good way to start a conversation.

“What’s wrong?” he asks because that’s his immediate reaction any time Bucky Barnes hints at unhappiness. He’d gladly spend the rest of his life making sure the man in his arms is content, so even a hint of despondency is too much for Steve to take. When he finally speaks, Bucky’s words are soft and hesitant. It makes Steve’s heart clench.

“I think I want to cut my hair.”

Time stops at his declaration. Steve’s mind races as memories rush through his mind. Bucky on the fire escape with wind ruffling his hair as the sun sets behind the skyline. Bucky’s head tugged back and moaning Steve’s name as their hips thrust together. Bucky carefully untangling knots from smoothed, silky tresses that Steve loves to run his fingers through. Steve waking in the middle of the night with Bucky’s head on his shoulder and a mouthful of Bucky’s chestnut hair that tickles his chin. Bucky with a man bun experimenting with a recipe in the kitchen. Sleepy blue eyes peeking through messy bedhead hair after a particularly good night in bed. Steve loves Bucky’s hair, and the thought of it being shorn makes him want to cry.

“Why, Buck?” he asks, his voice small and wounded.

Bucky blinks. His ice blue eyes glisten, and his lips quirk upward. “I want a change.”

Silence stretches between them. Bucky doesn’t like change. That’s been one of the most consistent things in their relationship. Bucky wants his world to stay the same, while Steve’s always pushing for them to try new things. Bucky enjoys reading the classics while Steve picks up whatever the new bestseller sounds good. Steve orders sushi, and Bucky insists on steak and mashed potatoes. Steve likes caramel lattes while Bucky drinks his coffee black. When the barbershop they’d gone to for years shut its doors, Bucky decided to grow out his hair rather than find a new stylist. That’s how serious he is about maintaining the status quo.

“I—”

Steve falls silent. He’s afraid anything he says will sound petulant and unsupportive, so it’s best to stay quiet and allow the man he loves to make decisions about his own life. He’s not going to pretend he won’t miss the way he threads his fingers through Bucky’s hair when he’s inside him and punching desperate grunts and moans from Bucky’s well-used body. He has a kink. He’s happy to admit that. Bucky’s hair is as good as the rest of his gorgeous frame, and Steve’s going to miss playing with it during sex.

“What’s that look?” Bucky asks and curls closer into Steve’s side. “You don’t exactly seem happy about my decision.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” he insists, but the words don’t ring true.

Bucky pushes up onto one elbow and stares down at Steve. His hair falls over his shoulder, and Steve can’t stop himself from reaching up and curling it around his finger. He loves Bucky’s mane of thick, wavy hair. It hadn’t crossed his mind that he’d ever have to go without it.

“I don’t believe you, Stevie,” Bucky whispers. “Talk to me.”

Steve shrugs and averts his eyes to stare at the ceiling. He’s being ridiculous, he knows, but to see his boyfriend the way he’d been all those years ago when Steve was too scared to tell him how he really felt… Well, it’s scary. What if Bucky accepting a change in his appearance leads to altering the rest of his life? What if it means he wants to see if there are other options out there? What if those options don’t include Steve?

He shakes his head when Bucky trails his fingers down Steve’s chest and gently strokes his side. There’s no reason for this insecurity. Bucky loves him as fiercely and deeply as Steve loves Bucky.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he mumbles. “Of course, I support whatever you decide to do. I’m never going to tell you what you can and can’t do with your own body.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I know you wouldn’t. I’d kick your ass. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.”

“I thought you’d made peace with your hair,” he answers, and he’s embarrassed at the petulance in his voice. “I thought—”

“You thought what?”

“I thought you don’t like changing things. What else are you going to want to switch once you start?”

A look of understanding crosses Bucky’s face, and he hooks Steve’s chin with his fingers. “Stevie, I’m not giving up on us.”

Steve tries not to pout, but there’s still a bit of anxiety over Bucky’s plan. He’s being a child. If he wasn’t so concerned, he’d be ashamed of himself.

Bucky brushes his lip against Steve’s and runs his fingers through Steve’s hair. The action isn’t lost between the two of them. Steve loves the feel of Bucky’s nails raking against his scalp, which is part of why he enjoys tugging on Bucky’s locks so much.

“Here’s the thing,” Bucky says softly. “I thought maybe I could do some good. After everything I’ve done, after all the pain I’ve caused, I have a chance to do something for someone else.”

Confused, Steve searches Bucky’s stormy blue eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I want to donate it,” Bucky explains with a shrug. “It’s long enough that almost every place that takes donations can use it now. It’ll grow again, and I can help out a sick kid in the meantime.”

“Buck…”

Steve can barely speak. He should have known there was something deeper to Bucky’s desire to alter his appearance. Bucky’s always deliberate, especially now when he’s working through his recovery with such diligence.

“Hey,” he says, and Steve looks at him with his heart in his eyes. “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re allowed to be human.”

“So are you, and I tried to take that from you.”

Bucky chuckles and snuggles in closer. “I think we both know I’m not going to just let you get away with anything. Now, punk, we’ve got a few hours before the barber shops open. What do you say we take advantage of it?”

“And how’s that?”

“Well…” Bucky teases, “I’ve always wanted to get my hair pulled from behind.”

Steve grins at the invitation. He’s willing to make Bucky happy in any way and any position he can.


End file.
